One of the downsides to
autism is the fact that I can't hold a conversation to save my life. Yet...
strangely enough my experiences with conversations online and in reality are
similar yet they have different advantages and disadvantages so I'll go through
both types individually.
In reality, whilst it is more difficult to start conversations but easier to hold one. This is because it's easier to ramble in real life than online and that the conversations in reality are more flowing. What I mean by this is that I'm not restricted by the effort of typing. All I have is my voice and to me that is easy to use. But then there's the problem of initiating conversations. To friends and family it's fine since I know they're friendly but to new people and especially adults, it's nerve-racking and I can't be the only one to face this problem. I know some people who are too shy to talk to me let alone the other way around! And I get that, it can be really difficult, especially with people they don't know. However reality does have one big advantage over online conversations and that's emotion. In reality, I can emphasise my points much better because I can raise my voice to make it clear how I feel. If I'm upset, I'm able to show I'm upset (though showing how I feel is another matter entirely).
This sadly, is not the case with online conversations. In fact, everything I just said is almost opposite here whilst also having fresh problems. The obvious problem is again, emotion. Emojis help but they don't emphasise the points as much as the human voice does or heck any voice for that matter. This has made it hard for me to fix certain arguments I've had with people and it really frustrates me and it is the primary reason why I prefer normal conversations. This is why Skype is my favourite form of social media because I can emote whilst simultaneously talking to people without travelling.
Another problem I find with online messaging is response rates. It is annoying when I say an open sentence and people either take a while to respond or don't respond at all. This is because in reality, most people respond straightaway and if they delay their response, it would be considered rude. Now granted they may have a reason why that is but it still bugs me. However, the part that annoys me the most is how I respond. I usually ask 'hello?' once or maybe even more times and I hate it because it's the equivalent of poking someone and I feel bad for those people. In fact, I feel the same in initiating conversations. When I message some people I feel like I'm bugging them even if they react with friendliness and I don't know why! If I messaged them often them maybe but I don't, in fact ironically it's for that very reason that I don't message them often. I know it sounds weird, especially as I'm normal with some of them in reality but that's how I feel.
Now that I think about it, maybe that's why I'm shy in conversation starting in the first place. I always feel that some people don't want to talk to me for various reasons even if that might not be the case. It's just something I experience and honestly, I can't explain why very well.
I guess when you get down to it, online messaging is easier to start since I can just wait out the nervousness by closing the tab until I'm ready but then the conversation feels... awkward. It comprises mostly of small talk and that's because I struggle to think of a good conversation starter to launch a lengthy conversation and I also hate it because I really want to have good conversations with people. I guess that's why I make friends with fellow Whovians (Doctor Who fans) because we have a mutual interest that we can have lengthy discussions about.
Overall, I will reluctantly continue using online messaging because that seems to be the most reliable way I can talk to people when I don't meet up with them but when I do, so long as I'm not too shy to talk to them, I will likely have a good, flowing and lengthy conversation with them.
What are your opinions on this issue? Sound off in the comments below what you think and remember that what you read is entirely opinion and you don't have to agree with it. Just know that this is my and likely other autistic people's experiences.
In reality, whilst it is more difficult to start conversations but easier to hold one. This is because it's easier to ramble in real life than online and that the conversations in reality are more flowing. What I mean by this is that I'm not restricted by the effort of typing. All I have is my voice and to me that is easy to use. But then there's the problem of initiating conversations. To friends and family it's fine since I know they're friendly but to new people and especially adults, it's nerve-racking and I can't be the only one to face this problem. I know some people who are too shy to talk to me let alone the other way around! And I get that, it can be really difficult, especially with people they don't know. However reality does have one big advantage over online conversations and that's emotion. In reality, I can emphasise my points much better because I can raise my voice to make it clear how I feel. If I'm upset, I'm able to show I'm upset (though showing how I feel is another matter entirely).
This sadly, is not the case with online conversations. In fact, everything I just said is almost opposite here whilst also having fresh problems. The obvious problem is again, emotion. Emojis help but they don't emphasise the points as much as the human voice does or heck any voice for that matter. This has made it hard for me to fix certain arguments I've had with people and it really frustrates me and it is the primary reason why I prefer normal conversations. This is why Skype is my favourite form of social media because I can emote whilst simultaneously talking to people without travelling.
Another problem I find with online messaging is response rates. It is annoying when I say an open sentence and people either take a while to respond or don't respond at all. This is because in reality, most people respond straightaway and if they delay their response, it would be considered rude. Now granted they may have a reason why that is but it still bugs me. However, the part that annoys me the most is how I respond. I usually ask 'hello?' once or maybe even more times and I hate it because it's the equivalent of poking someone and I feel bad for those people. In fact, I feel the same in initiating conversations. When I message some people I feel like I'm bugging them even if they react with friendliness and I don't know why! If I messaged them often them maybe but I don't, in fact ironically it's for that very reason that I don't message them often. I know it sounds weird, especially as I'm normal with some of them in reality but that's how I feel.
Now that I think about it, maybe that's why I'm shy in conversation starting in the first place. I always feel that some people don't want to talk to me for various reasons even if that might not be the case. It's just something I experience and honestly, I can't explain why very well.
I guess when you get down to it, online messaging is easier to start since I can just wait out the nervousness by closing the tab until I'm ready but then the conversation feels... awkward. It comprises mostly of small talk and that's because I struggle to think of a good conversation starter to launch a lengthy conversation and I also hate it because I really want to have good conversations with people. I guess that's why I make friends with fellow Whovians (Doctor Who fans) because we have a mutual interest that we can have lengthy discussions about.
Overall, I will reluctantly continue using online messaging because that seems to be the most reliable way I can talk to people when I don't meet up with them but when I do, so long as I'm not too shy to talk to them, I will likely have a good, flowing and lengthy conversation with them.
What are your opinions on this issue? Sound off in the comments below what you think and remember that what you read is entirely opinion and you don't have to agree with it. Just know that this is my and likely other autistic people's experiences.
How can neurotypical people help people with autism in this area Joel? Hints and tips please!
ReplyDeleteWell they can start by initiating conversation, that way people like me will realise that they want to talk and will likely have something to talk about. Building on that, be prepared to have something to talk about.
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