Thelonious, Churches and Technical Stuff

So erm... yeah sorry for the inactivity but I have been so busy as of late that I cannot stand the confusion in my mind! So what have I been up to? Well, not YouTube for starters. I still have no idea what I want to do. I tried writing a more humourous version of my 1917 review but it felt forced and unnatural. Maybe I should play it straight.

So what did I do instead? A lot of theatre stuff strangely enough. The most notable thing I did was lighting and sound for a local production of Harold Pinter's The Caretaker... well for a while anyway, I'll get to why later but for now, what I did do I managed to do well. Yes, The Caretaker isn't the most complex play to do lighting and sound for but I managed to pick up on it very easily and remained focused which is a huge victory for me as I usually have the attention span of a mayfly.

In terms of Shrek updates, I got in! I ended up with the part of Thelonius aka Lord Farquaad's masked henchman who is apparently the funniest role in the show. I'm happy about this since I never want the biggest role in theatre, just the funniest. Panto's still going well. We managed to do our first dress rehearsal and I was happy to see that I had a cape (even if it kept snagging in the doorways)! It's not long before I start now and I'll definitely be in for a busy February. I'm glad to see that I have something to do on Valentine's Day this year!

I also finally managed to join a church in my home town! It's called Queensway Chapel and whilst it isn't as lively as Chroma in Leicester, it's certainly a good one with a strong holy atmosphere. This combined with Shrek, panto and my technical work means that I'm finally able to have an active social life, at least when it comes to hobbies.

However, things are a bit tricky for me right now. My stepdad was scratched by the dogs and it got really badly infected and he's still hospitalised to this day. I basically had to step up as both man of the house and dogsitter which I'm happy to do but it just keeps me busy. It's because of this that I was left unable to do the technical stuff for The Caretaker this week (aka their show week) because he was also helping and was my lift there and back. Fortunately, they knew about this and was okay with it and I was still able to attend my first Shrek rehearsal thanks to a friend of ours.

Film reviews are still going strong as my review of Jojo Rabbit is now online. I personally found it to be an uplifting reminder that fascism will ultimately fail so long as there is love in the world, even if I didn't find it that funny. Job hunting is pretty much the same except that I have an interview at a local cinema tonight. I will let you know how it goes on the next blog.

So yeah, stressful and busy times but I'm glad it's busy. 2020 may not be a good year in general so far but it seems to be a good year for me at least. Now if only I figured out a way to calm down!

Anyway, I'll try and push the next one out earlier but until then, fare thee well good people of the internet.

Meme of the Day:

Helping Out, 1917 and Re-evaluating my Life

I want to go home and rethink my life

So this week for me hasn't been as busy as last week (hence the lack of content) but emotionally, this has been a funny one. Basically, I'm a recent graduate and like all recent graduates, my life has never been more certain. I'm still unable to get a stable job and even the job I'm currently in hasn't called me in for weeks. My job coach, bless her, has been ever so helpful but it hasn't been easy. My social life has taken a bit of a nosedive. Besides my drama club, I haven't really had much luck with my social life and my love life is even worse (more on that later). I also had no idea what to do with my life. I knew I wanted to work in film or television and in writing but the only things I genuinely enjoyed writing were my reviews and these.

It was on Thursday when one of my best friends said they were performing stand-up yet again when I realised that I hated where I was and that I needed to get something done. So I finally decided to buckle up and do something. That night, I downloaded Windows Movie Maker (the editing software) and ordered a cheap recording microphone off Amazon. Basically, I've decided to see if I can start a YouTube channel. Quite what I want it to be about is anyone's guess at the moment but I am giving it a think. I know I want it to be comedic and I know I want it to be Doctor Who related.

After that epiphany, I went to see 1917, in keeping with my vow to watch a new movie every week. My full review is here but suffice it say, it was very harrowing and intense and whilst I thought it was very good, I never want to see it again. On the same day, I set up a Doctor Who review page called Hermit's United, on which I reviewed the series 12 premiere 'Spyfall' which is a long time coming. It was difficult navigating through a new format but I managed to complete it.

I've also been helping out with backstage work with two different theatre groups. Not only did I attempt to help out with scene-building at my drama club (of which I ended up doing very little because I'm not the best at DIY) but I'm also helping out at my mum's theatre group with my stepdad in terms of set painting and lighting. It was exciting to learn about the latter, even if our supervisor did overexplain it.

But perhaps the biggest re-evaluation was with my love life. I got OKCupid which, in theory, was a really good dating app. It gives you matches based on compatability as well as age and distance and I think Tinder could stand to learn from them in that department. It was also free which was handy. The trouble is, nobody was on it and once again, I felt icky. This happened a lot whenever I got a dating app as I felt like it was hurting my self-esteem since nobody matched with me. But it was when I was watching Sex Education season 2 when it finally hit me: not only am I awful at the dating scene but it was causing some serious emotional harm to me.

The reason this was is because when I watched how open the show was about sex, I was actually kind of disgusted. It was then I realised that I am very prudish. I do feel sexual desire and I was often frustrated about it but I hated feeling it and whenever I met someone new that I liked, I never felt happy and I sometimes felt embarrassed, especially when it transpires that they're already taken. After a while, I felt like a creep and for what? To experience something I'm way too shy and innocent to enjoy? And the worst part is, I highly doubt I was the only person I hurt. I've had women ghost or worse block me without explanation and I'm worried that my attitude or behaviour put them off. To those women, I am so sorry. I really am. It's hard to convey it through text but I never meant to hurt you.

The only women I met and I was actually happy with are either taken, kindly rejected me or both. Don't get me wrong, they're fair reasons and I'm still close friends with them (happily I might add) but it made me realise that I never found the right person and it was unlikely I wouldn't meet them for a while. But also, I'm not ready for one. I'm unemployed, I still live with my family, my social life is scarce, I don't know what to do with my life, I have poor social skills and I have low self-esteem, ironically because of this. I do hope I am a good man and I at least try to be but this is not healthy and it needs to stop.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that effective immediately, I am staying single indefinitely. Chasing a relationship is not healthy for me and if Sex Education is anything to go by, I'm not missing much. I'm sure this will change when I meet someone I truly love and who loves me back and luckily, I'm emotionally mature enough to tell the difference between love and lust but it's time to improve my self-image, my confidence and my etiquette around women (which I'm sure is better than some groups of men but still needs improvement).

So I'm aware that it got way too real but it's for the best. I genuinely want to be happy with my life again and I know there are plenty of other ways of achieving it. I'm thinking about trying out a church tomorrow which will get me back on track (don't worry, I never lost my faith, I just need guidance) and on Monday, I'm joining a walking group since walking calms me down. I want to improve my social life as well as my working life and a nice balance between the two can help me greatly. Maybe one day I can convince myself I'm someone worth being with.

Still, next week should be good. I'm auditioning for secondary roles in Shrek: The Musical (after failing to get the role of Donkey) and though I didn't get into the BBC TV thing, I will continue to apply for jobs there at every opportunity possible.

Until the next time, fare thee well good people of the internet.

Meme of the day:

The BBC, Shrek and Cats (03/01/2020-09/01/2020)

This was the only Shrek meme I could find that wasn't awful...

So 2020 has been a crazy year already and I'm only one week in! Besides the worldwide craziness with yet another possible war (which hopefully will not become WWIII... we'll see how China and Russia react) and Australia being on fire, this has been an odd week for me as well. For starters, I finally caved and saw the movie adaptation of Cats on Tuesday. It was a surreal experience for me. Not only was it the first time I went to the cinema by myself (which wasn't nearly as bad as I feared) but the film itself was surreal. It was simultaneously crazier and not as crazy as I thought it would be and I was left utterly bewildered and laughing deliriously through a part of the credits. My full review is here if you want my full thoughts but suffice to say, I both enjoyed and hated this film...

Anyway, on a happier note. I decided to audition for a local production of Shrek: The Musical with my stepdad. At the time of writing this, I have yet to actually audition for it (as it's tonight) but I will let you know how I did.

But perhaps the most exciting thing that happened this week was that I got to go to an interview for BBC Three's mysterious new show (even I don't know much about it). The interview itself was very intense and harrowing as it involved discussing a very very difficult topic that involves murder. I left very shaken by the experience but I hope I did well. As it was in Bristol, I explored it for a bit but I had to travel far and for a long time. It was a long day. Like with Shrek, I don't know the outcome with this and I will let you know in a future blog.

As for my weekly routines, Doctor Who was fun on Sunday but not as good as part 1, Panto rehearsals are going well (even if I need to learn all of my lines), I haven't been called into my place of work for weeks which is worrying but my meetings with my job coach are going smoothly and besides meeting with my best friend and going to rehearsals, I haven't been too social which is worrying.

So yeah, bonkers week! I hope things calm down by next week and the rest of this year is actually a good one. Until the next time, fare thee well good people of the internet!


Meme of the Day:

How I Ended My 2019 (and started my 2020)

(POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR LITTLE WOMEN INBOUND)

I'm Blue da-ba-de-da-ba-dai!

So as mentioned before, 2019 has been a crazy year for me but fortunately, it stuck the landing. My December has been a pretty great one overall with a solid Christmas. So what did I do to combat the post-Christmas blues? Quite a lot!

Firstly, I went to my Dad's via my older sister's. Some context: my dad has remarried and remained so for nearly 13 years and since then, he and my stepmother had three kids on top of my stepmother's daughter whom he adopted. So as you can imagine, that family plus myself plus my older sister and her boyfriend equal a busy house. My brothers are very energetic and for Christmas, they got indoor snowballs so as you can imagine, it was complete pandemonium! From my dad for Christmas, I got a new Nintendo DS (after my previous one wore out and became unplayable) and lucky for me, I still had a fair few lego games on me!

After returning home to my mum and stepdad (aren't reconstituted families wonderful?), his two children came round and still are at the time of writing. I managed to get Instagram (joelmole42 for those who wish to follow me) but already ran into trouble with it after I followed to many people at once. It now thinks I'm a robot and until such time as I can prove otherwise, I will limit my activities.

For New Year's Eve, we, alongside my Aunt-of-Honour and her daughter, went to see the latest adaptation of Little Women. My full thoughts on the film can be seen here but suffice to say, I loved it! It was progressive in all the best ways and everything felt so natural and real! But I can also say that it changed my outlook for the better. There is a character in it called Laurie who is in love with the protagonist Jo March. However, as she's a strong independent woman, she declines him. Though he was upset for a while, he eventually moved on and ended up marrying Jo's sister Amy (who in this version, has her relationship with Laurie fully developed to the point where it doesn't feel like a rebound).

This stood out to me because, to my shame, I have an unfortunate habit of falling in love with the wrong people whether it's because they've already found someone else, they said no or both. Don't worry, I've had enough sense to keep it to myself (unless they were single but even then I was too cowardly to say anything for the most part) and Laurie's attitude to rejection has finally made me see sense and since then, I've decided to wipe my list clean so to speak and unless I have very good reason to do otherwise, I've decided to only pursue romance with people I will meet and get on with in the future. It's not quite my new year's resolution but more of a life one. There's no point in getting hung up on women I have no chance with. It's definitely the mark of a good film if it changes my life for the better.

After Little Women, we played games (both of which I curiously came second in) and the new year began. On New Year's Day, I went to rehearsals and did something not unheard of but weird for me in the process: I missed Doctor Who. I managed to watch it as soon as I came back and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a marked improvement over the previous lacklustre season and the twist ending got me excited after a Doctor Who episode for the first time in a long time. It may not be the best opening but it's a promising one! I hope part 2 lives up the hype on Sunday!

After that, I finally decided to take down my Christmas decorations (the ones in my room anyway). I know I'm still within the 12 Days of Christmas but with New Year's Day over and done with, I'm finally free of the Christmas spirit. I also changed my multicoloured lights to a light blue as that's the colour I associate with January.

And that's it! Here's to a great (or anything other than catastrophic) 2020!

Meme of the Day: