How I'm Staying Sane During the Lockdown (April Fools' Edition)

Mr Flibble's very cross...

So as you have probably heard, the UK is under lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic. As awful as it is, I'm glad the government got their head straight (even if it took them too long to do it). As I'm not an essential worker, I am once again out of work so as you can tell, I get a little bored. It's not all bad, I got Disney+ (sacrificing my Prime subscription in the process) and I've been enjoying the Star Wars content on there (including the sublime The Mandalorian).

The biggest challenge for me was to stay sane and avoid cabin fever. Luckily I think I achieved it when last Friday, I went on an incredible adventure. It all started when a stray cat entered the kitchen. He was a little different than normal cats. For starters, he was magic which would explain why he was humanoid and could sing. He said he had three different names but told me to call him Mr Mistoffeles. He was rather large for a cat and looked like something out of my nightmares but I rolled with it since the song he sang about himself was incredibly catchy.

He explained to me that his tribe of Jellicle cats (no he didn't explain what a Jellicle cat was) was in terrible danger: the king of the potato people was attacking their tribe and have kidnapped their leader Old Deuteronomy. He wanted my help because my cat Sylvia gave me a glowing recommendation. I told him I couldn't because I was under lockdown due to COVID-19 but he told me that he could create a temporary magical forcefield around me so I wouldn't spread it.

Eventually I agreed and we teleported to our start point on the Red Brick Road. I had wondered where that road led to in The Wizard of Oz and apparently it led to the Potato Kingdom. Along the way, we encountered some oddities. Firstly we encountered Shrek, yes THAT Shrek, who gave us some pointers and told us to get out of our swamp. He was very rude. Don't ever meet your heroes kids.

We then encountered the Ents led by Groot who tried to help us but I couldn't understand him. Fortunately, Mr Mistoffeles could and he said that MacAvity, the Mystery Cat, was behind the kidnapping and is raising the Potato Army against the Jellicle Cats so that he would win the Jellicle choice (something about reincarnation, it was very odd) by default. I don't know how he got all that from 'I am Groot' but apparently that was what he said.

Finally we encountered Glinda, the Witch of the North. It turns out manipulating an innocent girl into assassinating one of her sisters and ousting the ruler of Oz has caused her to revoke her status as 'Good Witch' and is now evil. Luckily we were saved by the aforementioned Mandalorian and Baby Yoda, who were on a quest of their own. I didn't inquired any further about this as I was too starstruck by Baby Yoda's cuteness so we pressed on.

We soon got to the Potato Kingdom where MacAvity was waiting. As he engaged in a magical duel with Mr Mistoffeles (which mostly consisted on them waving their hands about and saying silly things with no effect), I powered through the Potato Army by eating the roast, fried and boiled regiments. However, the baked regiment proved too much for me until I hit them with grated cheese. This weakened them and I finally got through to Old Deuteronomy. She was an old cat who weirdly resembled Dame Judy Dench but before I had time to explain, MacAvity broke through. I just hissed at him and he scarpered. It seems to work on all cats so I thought it would work on him which it did. Mr Mistoffeles joined us and Old Deuteronomy named me the Jellicle choice. I told her I wasn't a cat and thus was unqualified but suggested that Mr Mistoffeles could be picked. She agreed and sang a 5-minute song about how a cat wasn't a dog.

It was at that point where I left by tapping my shoes three times and saying 'there's no place like home.' I realised nobody would believe me about my adventure so I decided to write this on April Fools Day where people would get away with posting anything,

Happy April Fools' Day everyone! Stay safe, stay indoors and stay sane! I know I did! Until then, fare thee well good people of the internet!

Meme of the Day: