Why I'm a Christian - A discussion on how Christianity changed me for the better

Warning: This post involves the topics of faith and religion. If you get offended by such things, I suggest you click away now. If you want to hear me out, please respect my views and opinions. I also get pretty personal here including some confessions that I wasn't that great of a person in the past. Don't worry, I'm trying to get better for the reasons I'm about to say. I just thought I should warn you.

Yes, I like Christian memes. It's good to laugh at ourselves so long as it doesn't come with loathing.

Introduction

Sooooo... this isn't going to stir controversy at all isn't it... heh...

Hopefully, the fact that I have a small fanbase will mean that I have a respectful one, at least one who is willing to hear me out.

Besides, it'll be interesting to talk about faith because I feel like it's one thing that both people with autism and neurotypical people have in common. Everyone believes in something be it a religion or faith in other people. I just so happen to put my faith in the Lord and his son Jesus. And I thought I'd explain my faith in the hopes of showing that a) Christians aren't as bad as their reputation suggests and b) to provide context behind any future views since this will play a big part.

The Interesting Bit

So a bit of background: I was raised as a Christian. Both of my parents are strong Christians though they practised their faith in their own ways. As for me, I went along to church with my Dad and sometimes my mum depending on who had me that weekend (it's complicated). As a kid, I was okay with it but like most kids, I wasn't that connected with God. I just enjoyed Sunday School and VeggieTales (shout out to those who have watched it!). 

Then things became complicated when I permanently moved in with my Mum (again complicated) and though we tried different vineyard churches, my mum presumably never found one she liked and we simply stopped going. 

Eventually, I found a church of my own with my now former stepdad (see the above parentheses), a Baptist church in my home town. It was then I became interested in finding out about God and I started to attend the actual services. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good at paying attention to it. I became worried at this point. I feared that I wasn't close to God. 

So at the age of 15, I decided to get baptised, hoping that this would help me out. Though I'm glad I did it, it didn't help. Eventually. I grew sick of not paying attention and I eventually left that church. I didn't return to church save for a few occasions for about four years. 

Then my lack of faith got worse. For starters, one of the seven deadly sins, lust, took over my brain. I got desperate for a relationship, sex in particular, and it has led me to some embarrassing situations I would rather not get into. This was partly because of my inability to deal with puberty but it was also out of loneliness and peer pressure. A lot of people I knew were having sex and being in relationships and I felt left behind. And despite people telling me that relationships don't matter, I didn't listen. In fact, it didn't get through to me until recently (and even now I can't help developing feelings for people, even if I am self-aware and more cautious). As a result, I am rightfully still a virgin because of said desperation.

But it's not just that, in 2017, I began to question the Christian religion itself. I became worried that I was wrong all along, my Christian friends were starting to come across as weird to me and my agnostic/atheist friends and even some family members weren't helping. It also didn't help that I found out that Christians are, shall we say, disapproving of the LGBT community with some willing to force said community to become straight through any means necessary. Now I'm not LGBT. With the exception of having a man crush on Ryan Gosling and Arthur Darvill, I have always preferred women and that ain't gonna change any time soon. But the idea of forcing people to change against my will just rubs me up the wrong way. Maybe it's because some people feel the same way about autism (*Cough* Autism Speaks *Cough*) that I find myself relating to them in some way.

I tried searching for other faiths (well Buddhism) but it didn't go anywhere. Eventually, I fell into a form of depression (well I think... I was never diagnosed because I was and still am afraid it would make it real) because I felt lonely and rejected from society and I became self-conscious with the belief that people, particularly women, would find me creepy. Basically, I became Radiohead. Don't worry, I wasn't suicidal. My will to live is just too strong and I'm grateful that it is.

It was in October 2018 that things started to change. I informed my mum of my plight and she informed me that the church she went to has relocated to the place where I go to university. Realising that I never truly abandoned God and with no other option, I decided to go. I was worried at first. Partly because I was wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt without thinking but also because I saw people really into things like worship and I didn't feel it. But gradually, I got into it. I paid attention during sermons and I was dancing along to worship music. For the first time in months, I felt truly happy. 

I became a regular member, even going to a student church group on Thursdays, and over time, I felt better about myself because now I had a divine influence to talk to. I had a confidant who would not only not judge me for my past sins but would also help me become a better person. Week by week, I changed for the better. I no longer felt the need to embarrass myself out of desperation for sex (in fact, even that's going away), I felt a bit more sure of myself and my abilities, my friends advice about how relationships aren't great finally got to me and any doubts I had about God washed away once I felt the Holy Spirit stir inside me.

Granted I still have a way to go. For starters, this is the first time I've truly opened up about my faith in Jesus to the internet, I'm still not very confident when it comes to social situations and telling [NAME REDACTED] how I feel about her and I still haven't had the confidence to take some responsibility with my life and find a job or at least update this and 'Perfectly Honest Film Reviews' regularly. And I'm still not happy with the especially homophobic Christians for allowing certain verses of the Bible to become toxic even though I'm aware that though most Christians don't approve of homosexuality, they at least respect them enough for them to make their own decisions.

And in most ways, I haven't changed that much. I'm still a geek at heart (yes I like Harry Potter because I know it's a work of fiction born of one woman's imagination and not Wiccan propaganda), I'm still interested in films and reviewing them and Doctor Who is still my favourite show. 

But considering what I was like these last 6-7 years, I finally feel like I'm getting better as a person instead of getting worse. I'm more in control of my feelings and my self-esteem feels higher. It's gotten to the point where past me feels like a different person. A rather unlikeable person but still a different person. 

Conclusion

So why am I telling you all this? Well because I want people to see why I chose the faith that I did and also to apologise for anyone who fell victim to my creepy past self with the promise to become a better person.

But I also want people to see the impact Christianity had on me in the hopes that it would have a similar impact on anyone else with nowhere to turn to. Of course, if you have already chosen your faith, that's absolutely fine. If that's the right path for you, then go for it. This is simply the right path for me and potentially anyone who is interested in becoming a Christian. 


Anyway, that's my testimony. If you're a Christian, why not say some of your testimonies if you're up for it. If you're not, again that's fine but please respect those of a different faith to you. If anything, I'm actually curious as to why you chose the faith that you did!

Be sure to like my Facebook page 'Joel Mole' and because I'm not very good at coming up ideas for this, I am very open to suggestions to what I can write about next. Until then, fare thee well good people of the internet and peace be with you!