Defining My Weirdness: How I Fit Into the Characteristics of Autism (Autism Awareness Special)

Sooooo this is a bit late. I had intended to do 2017's Autism Awareness Special with a case study on Sheldon Cooper from 'The Big Bang Theory' but there's hundreds of episodes worth of examples and I honestly can't sift through them all to find them so that's on permanent hiatus until further notice. Instead, I thought I'd try out something different for my belated Autism Awareness Special.

I thought I'd try listing all known characteristics of autism and I'll see if I fit into them. The point of this is three-fold:

1) This will hopefully explain my somewhat unusual quirks to those of you readers that have had the pleasure of knowing me personally

2) It'll hopefully teach you on well-known characteristics of autism

3) If I don't fit with all of these, it'll be proof that no two autistic people are the same and some characteristics will be more prominent in some people than others

I've decided to take the list from the Rocky Point Academy website (Link below the article) as it is the longest one, thus creating a stronger list. If any of these are inaccurate, sound off in the comments below.

Without further ado, here we go!

1. Very little or no eye contact - If there's one thing I don't know about most of my friends is their eye colour. Try as I might, I seem unable to look into people's eyes for more than a second. Sometimes this gets to the point where I don't remember their faces after a first encounter.
2. Resistance to being held or touched - At first but I'm more open to it lately. Initiating physical contact is another thing entirely since I feel I have to get others' permission first.
3. Tends to get too close when speaking to someone (lack of personal space) - I have a huge sense of personal space and I don't like people getting too close (whether or not this applies to relationships remains to be seen)
4. Responds to social interactions but does not initiate them - Very mixed actually.  On the whole, I'm bad at both initiating conversations and responding to them. However, if it's a topic I'm actively interested in, I will respond and initiate.
5. Does not share observations or experiences with others - I honestly can't think of an example that either confirms or denies this. Those of you who know me well will hopefully do this for me.
6. Difficulty in understanding jokes, figure of speech or sarcasm - I have managed to understand all three in some capacity though idioms have been a problem in the past. Banter is the one thing I have yet to understand.
7. Difficulty in understand body language and facial expressions - Problem in the past but I understand the basic emotions. More complex emotions are tricky (I am yet to understand, for example, if someone is interested in me romantically though I have a feeling that's a problem with most men)
8. Difficulty in understand the rules of conversation - Definitely! Small talk in particular is a hard one to do. I've only mastered conversations in geeky stuff or stuff I have vast knowledge in but gossip and other conversation conventions are tricky to me.
9. Difficulty understanding group interactions - Unsure. I love group interactions but I often feel left out of them through my lack of social interaction and large amounts of daydreaming. To be honest, I don't understand what they mean here.
10. Aversion to answering question about themselves - Only if I have no idea how to answer it. Ironically, it's questions about my autism I have the most difficulty answering.
11. Gives spontaneous comments which seem to have no connection to the current conversation - This has lead to some amusingly awkward moments between myself and my peers. This is what happens when one is unable to track conversations properly.
12. Makes honest but inappropriate observations - Yes and I often dig myself a whole trying to rectify this. 
13. Seems unable to understand another's feelings - I find this more common with women but again, it seems that most men are naive about that. They even did a funny Family Guy sketch on it (Men! We don't know what we did!)
14. Prefers to be alone, aloof or overly friendly - Depends on my mood. Sometimes I want to be alone and sometimes I crave a social situation. It's a funny old brain this.
15. Difficulty maintaining friendships - Making friends is very difficult and maintaining them can be difficult as I tend to lose touch with them out of anxiety.
16. Finds it easier to socialize with older and younger people rather than peers my own age - Actually yes. I do prefer interacting with adults than teenagers though children stress me out after a while.
17. Unaware of/disinterested in everything around me - The first one applies more as I tend to daydream (a lot!)
18. Talks excessively about one or two topics - Dunununun dunununun dunununun, OOOOOWEEEEEOOOOOOO! (That was the Doctor Who theme for those who thought I have temporarily gone insane)
19. Overly trusting or unable to read behind the people's motives on actions - Depends on how well I know them. If I know them well, it's the former. If I barely know them or not at all, it's the latter.
20. Minimal acknowledgement of others - I feel like I'm repeating myself here but yes that does often happen. 
21. Abnormal use of pitch, intonation, rhythm or stress whilst speaking - Unsure. I might need to check with others for that. It sometimes feels weird with the pitch and tone but other than that, haven't the foggiest.
22. Speech is abnormally loud or quiet - I have been told I should become a thespian actor because of my naturally loud voice
23. Difficulty whispering - Actually yes. My whispering is often as loud as my voice
24. Repeats last words or phrases several times. Makes verbal sounds whilst listening (echolalia) - Sounds right to me. I can't help it, it just happens.
25. Often uses short incomplete sentences - I think you can tell by some of the short sentences in this article. I do tend to waffle at times but I like using short incomplete sentences. It makes it snappy, you know.
26. Pronouns are inappropriately used - I do use 'one' as a pronoun even though it's rarely used anymore. Does that count?
27. May have a high vocabulary - I highly approve of this particular symptom. It demonstrates how one can be sufficiently articulated in their speech patterns and writing styles. (Yes I have a reasonably high vocabulary)
28. Uses a person's name excessively when speaking to them - At times. I also say please twice in one sentence (Can I please have this please?)
29. Speech started very early then stopped for a period of time - Nope! I was a late bloomer. I couldn't speak until I was around 3 (though I'm given to understand that it's a common symptom. It might pop up later).
30. Difficulty understanding directional terms - I know my lefts and rights thank you very much.
31. Obsession with objects, ideas and desires - Again, Doctor Who. But I'm also obsessed Star Wars, music and romance (the latter files under desires I believe). 
32. Fascination with rotation - Part of my fiddling habits (stimming). I do like rotating things a lot.
33. Play is often repetitive - I'm an adult so play is now minimal but as a child, I often played out my own Doctor Who ideas with figures repeatedly (some of which I have since developed into actual story ideas).
34. Many and varied collections - When one is a geek, one tends to collect things. 
35. Unusual attachments to objects - If there's one thing I will never get rid of is my star teddy. 
36. Quotes movies or video games - Again, Doctor Who and Star Wars. I quote them when the situation almost demands it.
37. Difficulty transferring skills from one area to another - The only time where I know this applies is memory. I have a very selective memory since I remember some things really well and forget things in other subjects or in general.
38. Perfectionism in some areas - Holy TARDIS of Gallifrey are some of these worded poorly?! I think it means a strict adherance to routine. If my routine or plan is disrupted, I will get distressed. I think this also applies to my habit of making lists but that feels irrelevant 
39. Frustration expressed in unusual ways - I tend to scream in anger if that answers that question
40. Feels the need to fix or rearrange things - One particular area where this annoys me is book and DVD order. I have to put them in chronological order or else they will make no sense.
41. Transitioning from one activity to another is difficult - Not sure. The only time this question makes sense is that I'm great in some subjects but terrible in others.
42. Difficulty attending to some tasks - I find this applies to practical tasks since the amount of instructions overwhelm me. This includes cooking and science experiments.
43. Gross motor skills are developmentally behind peers - I can't drive/ride anything with wheels and I completely such at sports. The only one I am good at is walking. I'm a fast walker.
44. Fine motor skills are developmentally behind peers - I thought that was to do with hypotonia (weak muscle tone which I have also been diagnosed with). Regardless, I can't tie shoelaces (no matter how many times I try), I can't cut straight with scissors, my wrapping skills are appalling and even I can't read my handwriting.
45. Inability to perceive dangerous situations - Depends on how alert I am. If I'm in my own little world then no. If I'm panicking then yes, too much.
46. Extreme phobia/fears for no apparent reason - Loud noises and dolls of any kind spring to mind.
47. Verbal outbursts - I think so? I'm not sure.
48. Unexpected movements - I do randomly do things when I feel like it but I also stick to a routine so I can be fairly predictable, 
49. Difficulty sensing time - I'm awful without a nearby clock/watch. I have no idea how fast or slow something is
50. Difficulty waiting their turn (such as in line) - I am rather impatient, especially when I'm time constrained.
51. Causes injury to self - Don't worry, I'm too scared of pain for that. The only exception is smacking my head or lightly banging my head against the wall whenever myself or someone else says or does something stupid. I can't abide stupidity.
52. Walks on toes - Only to reach something though I might do it subconsciously
53. Unusual gait - Fun fact: I had to look up what that means! Apparently it means funny walks. Yes I do walk in unusual ways including C-3PO when trying to get through crowds. 
54. Difficulty changing from one floor surface to another (carpet to wood, pavement to grass) - Not anymore. Apparently that used to be a problem with grass but nowadays, I love being barefoot on grass. 
55. Odd or unnatural posture - I think I'm somewhat hunched but honestly, I don't know because I haven't bothered to compare myself with someone with natural posture
56. Difficulty moving through space (bumps into objects and people) - Not a major problem but I have bumped into people in the past. Especially the tighter the space.
57. Walks without swinging arms freely - I'm the opposite. I'm a swinger (wait...)
58. Incontinence of bowels or bladder - My bowels are very much in control thank you very much
59. Constipation - Oh boy... only happens due to lack of fibre
60. Frequent gas - I'm flatulent yest but not Thunderpants levels. I'm getting uncomfortable with bowel questions, can we move on?
61. Appearance of hearing problems, but hearing has been checked and is now fine - Yes. I am unable to hear people at times with multiple incidents of me saying 'pardon?'
62. Seizure activity - None that I know of. The closest I fit to that is twitching 
63. Irregular sleeping patterns - Sometimes I sleep like a log. Others I can't sleep at all. You can tell I prefer the former.
64. Apparent lack of concern for personal hygiene - Less concern than others but I do have a concern for my hygiene! I'm not a neanderthal.

Aaaaaand that's it. Boy was that a long list. I do hope this isn't overwhelming for you guys but I hope this gives you a better insight towards my behaviour and the behaviour of people on the spectrum. If there are any that I've missed, sound off below and I will tell you if I adhere to them or not. 

Also, due to the fact that I don't follow all of these, this will hopefully demonstrate that not everyone on the spectrum follows all of these. There will be some things that I follow and other people on the spectrum don't and vice versa. I'm not the definitive article of autism!

Oh and here's the link: http://www.calgaryautism.com/autism-spectrum-characteristics/

Anywho, that concludes this Thought from an Autistic Mind. What did you think of this list? Is it accurate? Are there any that I've missed? What characteristics do you or people on the spectrum follow on this list? Sound off in the comments below and be sure to like my Facebook page 'Joel Mole.' Stay tuned for more posts in the future but until then, fair thee well good people of the internet!

Others that I've missed: I do laugh nervously, I am sensitive to pain, I do have difficulty in asking for help or needs, I am very sensitive to sound and I want things to stay the same dagnabbit!

The Dark and Dangerous Side of Fandom!

Introduction (Yes I'm splitting this into sections. I have that much to say about this)

Let's get real here. We currently live in a time of fandom. Because geek culture has pretty become mainstream with superhero movies topping box office numbers and genre television being regarded as some of the best around. As a result, fanboys and fangirls themselves have become more prominent. Most of the time, fans are generally nice people and fandoms themselves can be a good thing because it brings people together and helps form friendships and even romances. But, like Star Wars, for every light side, there is a dark side as there is an increasingly vocal minority on the internet that displays rather unpleasant behaviours. I will list the different types of negative fandom and explain the reason why using examples of different fandoms that exhibit these behaviours.

Before I do that though I would like to say that I myself am a fanboy. I am currently part of the Doctor Who, Star Wars, Harry Potter and Marvel fandoms amongst others so I feel like I'm a decent position to talk about its current state. I would also like to put out a disclaimer that these people are in the minority and the vast majority of fandoms are actually lovely people. With that out of the way, here are several dark aspects of fandom and why they concern me.

Fan Fictions and Fan Art

I have mentioned that there is a light side to fandom as well as a dark side and this is no exception. There are some truly great works of art worthy of being in a canvas as well as some legitimately talented writers in the fan fiction department (and I'm not talking about myself). They can be beneficial too as it helps budding artists and writers get noticed and refine their skills. I myself am happy that the BBC are running a fan fiction site that allows people like myself to write their own Doctor Who stories and it gives me greater hope that I'll get noticed and hopefully achieve my dream job of writing for Doctor Who. 

But sadly, they both get a bad name because there are those who use this medium to live out their somewhat disturbing fetishes. These include, but are not limited to: self-insert fan fiction where they do giggity things with fictional characters (human or otherwise), slash-fiction where fictional characters do giggity things with each other and, with fan art in particular. sexualisation of non-human characters, pregnancies and births. It doesn't help that these are often badly written or badly drawn, adding poor quality to the list of their 'crimes'.

Full disclosure, I haven't actually read/seen a lot of these because I've heard enough ghost stories about them to stay as far away from them as possible but the little I have seen is enough to scar me and even put me off certain media products because of the somewhat creepy nature of their fans. It also lessens the impact of certain media products like Five Nights of Freddy's because it makes something that was legitimately creepy and makes them, for lack of a better word, lame due to their infinitely less scary fan art. 

Fandoms that exhibit this behaviour include (but again are not limited to): Sonic the Hedgehog, My Little Pony, Five Nights at Freddy's, anime and Undertale. It's also no coincidence that they are also considered some of the worst fandoms due to their disturbing and unhealthy mindset and I personally believe that these people need to get some help. Though they are more weird than despicable and technically a more harmless side of fandom than others (more on that later) they are certainly the most unnerving and the type of fandom I would least like to interact with.    

I will say that they are mostly harmless in the grand scheme of things. They don't hurt anyone, at least to my knowledge, and one can easily avoid these. These kinds of fans also keep themselves to themselves unlike other types of fans that I will later mention. One notable exception is Fifty Shades of Grey, a Twilight fan fiction, where its grossly inaccurate portrayal of BDSM and romatacisation of domestic abuse could lead to people exhibiting similar behaviours. I will share a brilliant video from a YouTuber called The Dom (no he did not mean for it to be interpreted this way) explaining why on my Facebook page Joel Mole.

Side note: stay FAAAAAAR away from DeviantArt. You do not need the nightmares.

Fan Entitlement and Purism

Admittedly this isn't as bad as the previous sections but this is still rather saddening nonetheless. Believe it or not, this is the reason I made this post as recently, I have seen a noticable change in the Star Wars community. Now I'm not saying the Star Wars community is bad, they were so positive towards Hayden Christensen in the most recent Star Wars Celebration despite his character being ridiculed and the movies themselves have inspired some truly inspired fan films. However, when one looks in the YouTube comment section of Star Wars related videos, there is nothing but comments bashing the most recent films and TV shows (particularly The Force Awakens and Star Wars Rebels) focussing entirely on the negatives and blowing them out of proportion and ignoring the positives. Now people are entitled to their own opinions but when reading these comments, I doubt they have given them a fair chance. 

The reason for this, I think, is of two reasons rolled into one: the overwhelming love for the original trilogy and the distrust arising from the prequels culminating into purism. Because they love the original trilogy so much, they seem unable to enjoy anything that comes out since then as anything that isn't remotely perfect is automatically rubbish in their eyes. That's a somewhat unhealthy outlook on these products and honestly, it's better to watch it as its own product, which can allow a better sense of enjoyment. It also doesn't help that they denounce people who do like these products simply because it isn't their own opinions. This is the same with comic book adaptations. If something doesn't pander to their love for the comic books, they will not love it regardless of its quality and will not listen to any other opinions because of it.

I must confess that though I'd defend the latest Star Wars products to my grave, I have been a victim to purism. I cannot enjoy the Harry Potter films as much as I used to because of my die hard love for the books because of how many important plot details they have left out (though I do like the Chamber of Secrets, the Deathly Hallows and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) and I can't enjoy Disney's live action Beauty and the Beast film because it pales in comparison to the original despite it being very similar and harmless overall (though Emma Watson's distractedly bad singing may have something to do with it). This is what saddens me really because no-one is immune to this. At least with disturbing fan fictions, people can have sense not to write them but here, there is a danger of loving something too much that you fail to enjoy anything else.

Hostility and Trolling

Sadly the most extreme form of fan entitlement comes in the form of wrath. Like I said before, if entitled fans have opinions, they will stick to it and it is often the case where they disagree with someone's opinion so much, they will be angry to the point of personal attacks and death threats.

I find that this appears most often in video game communities. During multiplayer, when someone plays in a way that doesn't please them, they will scream insults at them complete with sweary swearatons and claims to have coitus with other people's mothers. It's honestly kind of toxic behaviour really and what's even more disturbing is that most of these people are children, typically 12 year old boys. 

I'm disgusted that people, especially children, feel like they are entitled to say horrible things to each other because of their anonymity and it's not just in video game communities. YouTube comments are filled with flame wars of differing opinions and horrible insults. Apparently Steven Universe and Sonic fans are especially guilty of this as anyone who dislikes the product gets death threats. 

It's rather depressing as one can't even express their opinions on the internet anymore because someone will turn up and harshly disagree. Aside from gaming communities, politics is a big cause of this attitude as it can get to the point of friends turning against friends (though that is something I will expand upon in a later post).

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there as sometimes, there isn't a reason for someone to be nasty to others on the internet but that is how people behave and it can drive people to depression and even suicide. This is why I consider this to be the darkest part of fandom because it actually causes harm to people and seemingly allows people to exhibit disgusting behaviour online with seemingly little consequences.

Stalking and Celebrity Harassment

Unfortunately, this isn't the only toxic behaviour displayed by fandoms and honestly, it's the most worrying. There is an almost unhealthy obsession with celebrity culture to the point where there is stalking, sexual comments, harassment and paparazzi.

The latter is especially infuriating because it's like these people have no sense of privacy. What is so fascinating about these people that they have to report on every single aspect on their lives? They're people for crying out loud! Why can't you leave them alone! I'd imagine this causes some lasting psychological damage on them due to the amount of pressure placed on them! I'm looking at you TMZ! I'm looking at you OK magazine! Leave these people alone and find something better to do you cancerous harpies!!!

Ahem... sorry, at this point I've built up such a rage I might just hit something (though as a pacifist I'll refrain). Anyway, you see where I'm coming from? Fandom has got to such an extreme point that people are starting to exhibit dangerous behaviours that could negatively affect others.

The Light Side of Fandom

Right, before I break my oath of pacifism, I will mention that these people are thankfully in the minority. The majority of fans are generally pleasant people who have insightful views on movies and TV shows, are respectful to the cast and crew behind them and I myself have made most of my friends through these fandoms. There are also fandoms that are very harmless and very nice overall. I will now list some of the best fandoms and why I like them so much.

- Harry Potter: I have never seen a fandom so in love with their product yet so respectful of other opinions. The closest thing I have seen to hostility is the friendly teases against Hufflepuffs (I am a proud Hufflepuff by the way). Some cases of creepy fan fiction but they're not that prominent.

- Star Wars: Despite being the best example of purism gone wrong, this fandom is perhaps the most respectful to the cast and crew of the films (including George Lucas and Hayden Christensen) and like I said, this is a good example of fan fiction and fan art done right as some of the fan films and art are just beautiful and well made. 

- Doctor Who: Yes I know I am kind of biased but this is a great example of agreeing to disagree. We accept others' opinions despite not necessarily liking them and we all agree that the show is going downhill. Even the romantacisation of the show by Tumblr fans kind of makes sense since the show is rather poetic by nature. Honestly, the only major problem I have with the fandom is that we're dwindling in numbers.

- Star Trek: One of the original fandoms, the Star Trek fandom is probably the most agreeable of all the fandoms. They agree what films and TV shows they like and what  they don't like and happy with the new products despite it being different to what came before.

- Lord of the Rings: Besides Harry Potter, I have never seen a fandom so engrossed in the product but honestly, it's allowed because of how richly detailed Middle Earth is. They may be pedantic but they are also very harmless and lovely people.

Fandoms like these ensure that fandom itself doesn't fall into the pit of Taturus and I am proud to either know or to be a part of these fandoms.

Conclusion

I think the fundamental problem with fandom is that they take their respective products so seriously. It's okay to be passionate about them. It's a natural form of enjoyment after all. But when one takes it too far, it can lead to downright cancerous behaviour. My final message is this: it's okay to be a fan of something, it can change your life for the better like fandoms such as Doctor Who did for me; but just remember, it's not real, you don't need to use it as an excuse for being nasty.

That concludes this Thought from an Autistic Mind. I hope because of this article you will be respectful in the comments section and you're not horrible to each other. With that said, what did you think of it? Do you agree? Disagree? I hope I haven't offended anyone in this blog and I must stress, I love fandom, being a fanboy myself, I'm just disturbed about certain behaviours. If you do like this blog be sure to share this around and like my Facebook page 'Joel Mole.' Until the next time, fare thee well good people of the internet!

I think this guy just sums up everything I just said