Kids, I want to tell you a story. A story of how I related to a terrible (fictional) person.
For those of you who don't know, I consider myself to be a fan of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. The show, which tells of how the protagonist Ted Mosby met the mother of his children, is overall entertaining which its inventive comedy and loveable supporting characters. True, some elements haven't aged well but that's par for the course for a sitcom made in the 2000s (Friends is still great despite its problematic elements). But what really struck a chord with me was Ted himself. I myself (at least at the time... I'll get back to that) was a hopeless romantic so I found myself relating to Ted's quest to find 'The One' which he ultimately succeeded and I too wanted a similar meet-cute/romantic relationship.
Sadly, as many of you seem to be painfully aware of thanks to my past whining, I was not successful. The stereotype that autistic people aren't great at dating applies to me since to this day, I lack the confidence to make the first move or to hold a conversation. I'm also not great when it comes to handling the topic of sex which is why I'm still a virgin. So yes, I did indeed get more desperate as a hopeless romantic, hoping to find my soulmate.
Then I got older and got into better sitcoms like Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community so naturally, I left How I Met Your Mother by the wayside for a while. Eventually, after watching different videos on the show, I got back to the show and I realised something terrible: Ted's a douche. His search for the one has left him with a warped sense of romance to the point where his standards are ridiculously high (if they're not pitch-perfect, he will dump them) and even if he meets and likes someone who isn't similar to him, he would effectively try to mould her into his ideal woman (see Robin Scherbatsky). Not to mention he goes on way too many exploits with the womanizing Barney Stinson and often enjoys it. His whining gets insufferable as a result because I tend to wonder if he even deserves it. There are a few times I sympathise with him like how he got left at the altar by Stella after he was willing to move to New Jersey with her (which for a New Yorker is a death sentence) but even then, the foundations of that relationship were so weak (never ever jump into marriage quickly folks).
Not to mention that he gets so hung up on Robin that he ruins perfectly good relationships for her (one of which involved leaving her husband at the altar for him) to the point where that ultimately ruined the ending of the show since the writers killed off the Mother in favour of Ted and Robin getting together.
So in summary, Ted is kind of the worst... and I related to him. Thankfully, I was never in a relationship and I always knew to take rejections with dignity and grace so it never got too bad but any attempts to forge one get ruined by my desperation and low self-esteem (most of the time, I never take a chance because I'm always afraid I'll freak them out). This was especially bad as a teenager because my romanticisation of romance was especially heightened and I believed in outdated concepts such as 'The Friend-Zone'. In essence, I was a 'Nice Guy', someone who felt entitled to a relationship because I saw myself as good enough.
During my time at uni, I got especially lonely because I wanted a relationship but was too afraid to initiate one and I got into this unfortunate habit of randomly messing women I like. To those people, I can never be sorry enough. In addition to this, I ended up finding people who would be my type but they're already taken... and yet I would fancy them anyway. Thankfully I had enough common sense to not say anything because I know how wrong it is to tear apart a relationship for selfish reasons but I couldn't help it.
It was only this year had I realised just how not ready I was for a relationship. I don't think I'm a bad person and I always strive to be good but when romance and sex are involved, I end up having no idea what I'm doing and like I said, any attempts at a relationship become disastrous as a result, especially once the topic of sex enters the mix. I'm thankful I at least caught myself out before I became a full Ted Mosby.
Last night was when I finally realised the truth: I no longer enjoyed the dating scene. I was making myself miserable with this endless cycle and I haven't really met anyone I could forge a relationship with without forcing it. It was when I watched (500) Days of Summer for the second time when I decided on where I would go from here.
(500) Days of Summer is about a hopeless romantic named Tom Hansen (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who seeks to find the one. He thinks he finds her with his new co-worker Summer Finn (played by Zooey Deschanel) but she's against relationships and does not believe in true love. Against all odds, they get together but Summer soon realises that they're not compatible and she breaks up with him. Of course, Tom doesn't realise this and falls into a deep depression, especially when he learns that Summer is getting married but eventually he decides to commit to his career and turn his life around. Once he's emotionally healthy, he meets a new person called Autumn (I know... I gagged too) and it's hinted that this relationship could be better (at least that's my interpretation).
Like with How I Met Your Mother, I related to Tom the first time I watched this a few years back. By this point, I recognised that Tom and Summer were never meant to be but I still related to Tom's hopeless romanticism. However, just like How I Met Your Mother, I realised how toxic he was since he had some dangerously idealised concepts of romance and basically forced Summer to conform to the idea he has of her. Granted, Summer isn't entirely innocent as she seems to lead him on without labelling the relationship but Tom is basically the bad guy. He expects her to make him happy when that isn't her job and it's legitimately hard to watch his behaviour. I pray that I was never THIS bad (again, I was fortunate enough to stay single in my hopelessly romantic state).
But really, his behaviour wasn't the point that affected me. It was the fact that he grew the hell up that did. As mentioned before, towards the end, he decided to get out of his heartbreak and toxic behaviour and do something useful with his life by quitting his job at a greetings card company (big mistake if you ask me) and pursuing his career as an architect. He even gets closure with Summer when she realises that true love does exist, they just weren't right for each other. Now while he becomes cynical at the idea of true love, his hopeless romanticism seems to return among meeting Autumn but fortunately, it seems that his behaviour has improved.
It was at this point where I finally decided to take the right lesson of this film and just focus on other aspects of my life such as my career and my new goal in life isn't to get a girlfriend but rather to get my own flat. Unlike Tom, I haven't become cynical of the idea of true love. Whilst I no longer believe that there is one single soulmate out there for me because... well that's just silly when there is 66 million people in the UK alone but I believe that there are women out there I would very much be compatible with. It's just that I have yet to meet them or be ready to date them.
So, to leave off this blog, I will say that I no longer consider myself to be like Ted Mosby. As mentioned in a previous blog, I relate more to Abed Nadir from Community or Maurice Moss from The IT Crowd. Sadly the character personality quizzes disagree with me because they say I'm either like Ted or Robin so I may have a long way to go but I'll try and stay positive! Right now I just need to focus on who I am and where I'm going and then who knows? I may actually have a shot of making this dating malarkey work for me! Until then, fare thee well good people of the internet.
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| You know what, don't be like Ted, be like Marshall. He's a special bean that must be protected! |
