Introduction
So I came across an r/askreddit post (as one does) which asked 'what are some "guy secrets" girls don't know about?' and it got me thinking: girls need to know these.
As a self-described feminist (but in an 'I support gender equality sense' not an 'exterminate all men' sense) I believe that men and women should communicate better and I believe that this would help facilitate that. Now obviously I can't do this both ways as I'm a cisgendered male and I don't know any 'girl secrets' but hopefully this will provide insight as to what goes on in men's heads so that any woman who reads this will hopefully understand us better.
Please note that I also can't speak for all men as everyone is different. Plus there may be some things in there that apply to men with autism and introverts as I am both these things.
Anyway, let's get started!
The Big Shabang!
- Men are oblivious to hints: This is a notorious thing about men. I have heard stories of women dropping hints that they like or dislike a guy and they are always oblivious to it until they just outright say it. Until we get verbal confirmation, it's a massive Schroedinger's cat situation because we genuinely don't know what you actually think of us. Don't send us signals, just say it! It'll make things a lot easier on us.
- Ignoring us/making us jealous never works: If you play hard to get or start taking an interest in another guy to make us jealous, it makes us lose interest in you because we think you're not interested in us. Plus is a sign that you're super manipulative and guys don't like girls who play with our emotions.
- We think about random stuff a lot: Remember that meme where the woman says that 'I bet he's thinking about other girls' when in reality, he's thinking about something stupid and trivial. That is insanely accurate. I for one think about random geeky things more than women. As someone with autism, it's a little different because I'm compelled to think about the plots of my favourite movie franchises and TV shows but the idea is the same. Sometimes we think about nothing at all. Sometimes we just play a random song in our head. Our brains are random like that. And chances are, in a relationship, a guy is loyal to you and is more likely to think about last night's match than other women.
- We love compliments but we don't get enough of it: Yes, like women, men love to be complimented. Trouble is, we don't get complimented much so it's more special when we do get compliments. I don't know about you but when I get compliments, I tend to blush and pass it off as nothing but in reality, I'm jumping with joy inside. I think that's why when women give men compliments, we tend to think it means you really like us because we so rarely get it, to us, we must be really special to you. So it doesn't hurt to be nice more often. Hopefully, those pesky r/niceguys would catch on and realise that a compliment is, for the most part, just a compliment
- We don't really talk about our personal lives too much: This comes out in two ways. When guys socialise with each other, we tend to talk about our interests more than our personal lives. I don't really know that much about my guy friends but I still consider some of them as brothers because we still get on well and we share the same interests. The other way is when guys communicate with either our parents or women. A dreaded question of mine is 'how is your day' because I'm not interested in talking about my life, mostly because it's mundane and uninteresting. Which leads on to:
- Take interest in our interests: This might just be an introvert thing but I find that I'm way more confident and comfortable talking about my interests than my personal life. When I'm talking about my day or personal things, unless I bring it up or I'm not okay, I prefer not to talk about it. I usually act shy and uncomfortable. However, when discussing my interests or trivial things, I'm way more talkative, loud and confident because I feel comfortable talking about it. And yes, that is why I tend to look for friends and potential partners with similar interests to me: it just gives us something to talk about.
- We're less open about our emotions: Similar to before, I sometimes don't feel too comfortable talking about how I feel and sometimes, I don't like opening up when I'm upset or angry. I don't know if it's because my autism prevents from conveying my feelings or if it's because of masculine culture or both but I tend to bottle things up unless I'm alone in which case, I tend to cry. I never cry in public (problematic I know) because I get irrationally embarrassed.
- We don't actually care how you look that much: Of course, we do notice if you look nice and will compliment on you but it really doesn't matter to us what dress you wear because we know you look nice in it. When we say 'I don't care,' we mean it! We're not fashion savvy so we don't know if it does look nice!
- When we say, I'm fine, it doesn't mean we're fine but we will be and it's best to just drop it: Pretty self-explanatory that one...
- When guys say nothing when one asks what's wrong, we usually mean it: I get this a lot because I have a resting anxious face. I get that you're concerned but honestly, I'm fine!
- When we miss the toilet, it's not our fault: Our pee stream gets out of control due to us being unable to direct it or because it sometimes comes out in two streams.
- Men reconcile quickly: When women fall out with other women or men, it's usually permanent or long-term. When men fall out, we make up very easily and it usually doesn't last forever unless we fall out of touch.
- When we open a jar, let us do it: It makes us feel needed and guys like that. I mean we like independence too but it's nice to feel useful once in a while.
- The dating scene is just as brutal for us as it is for women but for different reasons: I learned the hard way that women can be picky and I will admit that getting rejected one too many times makes me feel unattractive. Obviously, you have every right to reject us but let us down easy. It makes all the difference. Every 'ew no' or 'lol bye' is a stab to my self-esteem and I am so grateful to those who rejected me with kindness. Though I will say to men (and women for that matter) that if someone rejects you, please respect their decision, be polite and move on. The niceguys/nicegirls culture is making me lose my faith in humanity.
- We're just blunt: As hinted before, what we say is usually what we mean. For me, it's a little different because I'm not great at expressing emotions and I'm a massive people-pleaser but if you ask us for our honest opinion, we will give it! Or maybe it's just an autism thing... I don't know... But it is important to know anyway. It's why we're oblivious to hints. We're not as cryptic as you.
Conclusion
So there we have it! That's all I can think of at the moment but if any other guys have some advice, sound off below!
Conversely, if any women have some advice for men about your quirks then sound off below as well.
And as always, be sure to like my Facebook page 'Joel Mole' for future content and as always, I am open to ideas! Until then, fare thee well good people of the internet!
